Bottled Up

My emotions are bottled!

I never feel like I get a chance to cry.

Pain in my heart is weighing me down and I'm screaming for help.

My heart is heavy although completely empty

Confused with emotions of a sane mind.

This is the worst...

When you can logical justify all your emotions...

Knowing why you feel the way you do...

Knowing that it will past..

Not being able to dwell in the moment of sorrow..

This is a gift and curse..

See everyone should be able to just get lost in there emotion even if it is only for a second.

But not me!

Not even with life and death...

I justify every situation logical...

radically..

Can I just lay on my floor and cry sometimes??

Please?

See I'm emotionally bottled up with emotion!

And not one human being can help me!

Some times when life seems to hard, I just want to be held..

Then I quote myself by saying, "Life is easy, we just have to live"

(Incomplete thoughts)

Another Again

JOHN LEGEND LYRICS - Another Again: "So we did it again
Knowing we should quit it, but we simply won't admit it again
Oh it feels good, it's so good, but I won't do it again"

Inner Thoughts

Facebook Artless Thompson: "I don't get caught up in my emotion because I radicalize my thoughts. I understand the consequences of every action that I take. So the word Sorry is there only to help you. I am human and reality is that every one of us has or will make a mistake. While judging me you are not my judge. I have no fear. Only Remorse. I shall still live because I have been given a second chance to alter my future. So when you see me smile. Yes I'm happy! Because things for me could have been a lot worst! God has shined on me and how dare you in the darkest of MY situations take his GLORY!!"

WRONG WAY

ARTLESS

Twitter / Home: "Lost in a world with GPS navigation. Make a sharp left only to turn right, keeping straight only to make a U-turn. Winding roads lead to a dead end!!"

The Light

"I'll never call you my bitch or even my boo, there's so much to your name there's so much more to you. — Common"

Life is nothing but a big party!!

It is not far from the truth if you catch me singing, "Every where I go I feel like VIP." ->

I have the best friends...God made us perfect for one another. Its funny because just recently I realized I have a lot of female friends..that usually never works out but we are doing just fine!! We are all differently equal. We feed off of one anothers energy!! Its great! If you ever meet us you will feel what I'm talking about...So if and when you see us, say hi! Because you will see us one day we are everywhere...and if your never there..I promise you will still see us somewhere..haha..dont worry!!

Party! Party! Party! Lets all get Wasted!!

(Rock Star Life Style...."I really might not make it")

I tried that...I lived it...I found out that I wasn't BUILT for it...So Im over it!! Like really...I cant mess with it!!

Facebook | Artless Thompson

"Mind open to the possiblity...Heart closed to the sense of urgentency. But the Eyes see clearly what the hands wish they could touch freely. Alert are all five senses. Amora brings pure pleasure to the taste buds. You must remember to never awake love. -Keyara"

J.COLE is going to be a big deal to the world in a couple more months!

He is a great lyricist!! Watch out for him!! Look him up, listen & absorb.

Fatal Attraction

Visual.
Tall, Slim, Cute, Cocky, & Self confident
Intrigued by his aura not so much his swag.
Didn't know a thing about his life but felt as if I've meet him before.
His name went in my search of facebook.
Conscience made me pause before I pressed REQUEST.
KEYARA?....Are you crazy?
No, I'm curious...and hey "I have to live my life!"
OK...Send friend request.
Unlike Twitter you cant cancel your request...DAMN!!
So now I'm all F'd up in the game.
In between thoughts I'm nerves as hell....ugh
"I need to get my life together"
Relief...maybe...not so much though
1 Notification...Friend request Approved.
Question? Why?
OK now bigger dilemma...
WHAT THE HELL WILL I SAY?
FUCK!
Hey, wont work...that would be a waste of time & plus I HATE small talk.
But I cant be too blunt...he is not a regular dude.
Its not the regular situation...I didn't catch his eye he cough mine!
(I feel like that was a problem)
Lupe- Sunshine "Out of all the numbers in the world lean me a few that will lead me to you"
DENIED!! lol My smooth pick up line didn't work..haha
So I gave UP!
Mind over his aura but body still in some type of lust to know him.
Every time I thought I forgot about wanting to know him...New video post!
Ugh...PLAY...."he is cute...in an innocent way...and silly...caught myself showing friends his videos..." CRAZZY!!!
So we would laugh together...hahaha
Party with the girls....
Chilling....felt someone looking at me...OMG
It was HIM!!!
But I always act nonchalant...(what the hell is wrong with ME!?)
So we lock eyes...exchange head nods...and that is it!
PISSED because I was being a bitch in every sense of the word!
FML...I thought...but I could not make a move.
REJECTION was not an option for that night.
So I continued to chill.
Back to facebook..."You saw me the other day"
He replied.
My presence is known.
PERFECT.
Now....I'm chill.
Hey's, How you doing's, Whats up"s...that small talk shit that I hate!!
Me playing too much one night....
Asked a question, that at the time was innocent but now is a regret.
The quote "I gotta live my life" changed my life..in a sense.
In your presence I was content..like I've known you for a while.
So I was comfortable...it was an allusion.
I didn't know anything about you.
But because "I have to live my life"
That night I lost myself.
Actions made me act out of my character.
Knowing me you know I'm big on perception
NOT TONIGHT....LOST
DAMN.
Woke up...in Bliss...work day went great.
Home...FUCK...REALITY HIT MY ASS IN THE FACE!
BITCH! WTF?
ugh....
In my mind I processed my actions...came up with the out come of SLUT!
(only in perception tho...knowing me you would know that I had reasoning behind my actions)
Reasoning:
Single (for about a year)
Young woman
I felt comfortable
I liked you
Most important part HORNY..lol
& quote...."I have to live my life"
I came to the conclusion that I have to stop living my life...
Its crazy because it is a regret of mine
but I would still act in the same manner.
CRAZY huh?
No, before this I was bland...boring...predictable
Now I have a little more character and knowledge of my limits.
(I probably wont let another get as closer BUT hey...I know that I can be spontaneous lol)
I'm juss living my life DON'T JUDGE ME!! :)

AND THEN I WOKE UP
WHHHYYYYYYYY?
REALIZED I WAS DREAMING. WHY ARE MY DREAMS SO VISUAL...I WISH I HADN'T BEEN AWAKEN BUT MY Alarm CLOCK!

Opposite end of the spetrum

Heart open with a closed mind

Feet stepping

Hands frozen

Vived imagery of yesterday

Today is blurry

Mr. Right meets Mrs. Wrong

Transparent to reality

Surreal in mortality

Head POUNDING

Relax

Its just

Me

And

You

HE was 5 years from 30!

I don't know what to do...

Im out in Philly on south Street...all nite didnt see no bait AT ALL!! 

Then I saw this fine lil tenderonni...lol

gave him the math... told him he should call me..lol (as the cars were bumping)

so he called me... we texted.... asked questions...

He is 25...I mean thats not a big deal...but umm thats 5 years from 30..lol

and he has a kid...a 4 yr old son.....yuck

I don't do kids...ummm....and he seems too nice for me...

long story short...I don't think he is my type & i dont want to like him...So i guess i do know..ha-ha

The shower

SHOWSTOPPER (ukuelele)

SHOWSTOPPER (ukuelele)

Listen to this song...it just makes you want to be in love. Its by AJ Rafael!! He is a great artist check him out!

I AM MY SISTERS KEEPER

GROCERY STORE LINE (TACO'S, SOUR CREAM, CHEESE, SALSA, AND BACON[FOR BREAKFAST])

PHONE RINGS.. (JASMINE SULLIVAN'S HOOK ON JADAKISS' SMOKIN GUNZ)

VOICE SPEAKS...(HEY KEY)

REPLIED...(HEY KEY)

CONVERSATION STARTS HERE..

WHATCHU DOIN'

NOTHING IN THE GROCERY STORE

(AS HER VOICE BECOMES WEAK...)

[IF YOU KNOW ME...THIS IS THE PART WHERE I BEGAN TO GET AN ATTITUDE BECAUSE IT SOUNDS LIKE SHE'S WYNING]

CONVERSATION CONTINUES...

KEY?

YES?

...AS SHE BEGINS TO CRY...AS I BEGAN TO CRY, NOT HAVING ANY KNOWLEDGE OF WHAT SHE HAD IN STORE FOR ME....

YOU SEE I FELT HER PAIN LIKE IT WAS MY OWN.

BECAUSE SHE IS MY SISTER EVERY SINGLE FEELING SHE FELT WENT THRU MY BONES.

MY SISTER CONTINUED TO SPEAK...HER VOICE WAS VERY MEEK.

AS SHE WIPED HER FACE AND FIXED HER LIP TO TELL ME THIS....

{MY HEART DROPPED} {SHE IS "MY" SISTER...MY SISTER}

CONVERSATION REPEATS...

KEY?

YES KEY?

ARIE?

YES YONA?

KEY....I HAVE CANCER.

{GROCERY STORE LINE....(TEARS COMING DOWN MY FACE, MOUTH TREMBLING, AND FOR A QUICK SECOND LOST CONTROL)}

ARIE....?

YES (as my voice brakes and my breathing becomes hard to keep steady.)

I'M SCARED KEY....

I AM TO YONA (knowing that she needs me to be strong for her)

I WILL BE FINE

I KNOW YOU WILL...

KEY I JUST WISH YOU WERE HERE TO HOLD ME....(CRYING)

YONA I WANNA BE THERE, I WANT TO HOLD YOU, I DO! (DISTANCE IS THE WORST WHEN SOMEONE NEEDS YOU)

AND BECAUSE I AM MY SISTERS KEEPER MY DUTY IS TO BE THERE...

WE SHARE THE SAME HEARTS.

THAT IS MY SISTER..MINE...

MY SISTER, MY LOVE & GOD KNOWS I LOVE MY SISTER.

SHE IS MY KEEPER AS I AM HER'S.

SO IN HER TIME OF NEED I AM THE FLESH THAT SHE NEEDS TO SEE.

MY HEART IS WIDE OPEN...MY SISTER

GRANDMA CALLS..

CONVERSATION STARTS

HEY PUMPKIN

HEY GRAMA

WHAT YOU DOING

WALKIN LOVE

TELL PUPPY LOVE I SAID HI

OK

BABY, EVERYTHING WILL BE OK

(IMMEDIATELY MY FACE CLEARED)

SEE MY GRANDMA IS MY PEACE IN A TIME OF NEED...I BELIEVE HER...

GRANDMA SAID JESUS IS NOT FEAR...IF YOUR EVER SCARED THAT'S THE DEVIL...AND HE HAS NO CONTROL.

GRANDMA WAS RIGHT!

GOD BUILT ME AS MY SISTERS KEEPER AND I INTEND TO KEEP HER!!!

Isolation

As I sit here in this chair ignoring everything you say,

I realize I hear you clear as a Spring Day.

The Vividness of your bullshit fills my brain...

That's when I realize...Its not your fault.

Your whole "being" is bullshit.

That sneaky ass smile.

Those beady eyes.

Your hair slicked back with LA gel.

Everything about your presence puts me in the presence of a bull-shitter.

Come to think about it your whole life is probably filled with,

one bull shit story after another.

Your life makes perfect sense of not making sense out of something.

And as I sit here in this same chair

Hearing your bull shit reasoning loud and clear...

I also came to the conclusion that I was not listening to a word you were saying.

If I indulge myself in absorbing bull shit as reasoning and answer I fear that I will no longer be a Bullshitter....But that I myself will be full of shit!

So as I seat in this chair at this boring ass meeting at the end of the day...I will isolate myself from you.

Although we are with in 2 ft....I am not here, I am not listening to a word your conniving lips speak.

I will shake my head.

I will speak when its something I disagree with...and I will expect you to listen.

But I will not be attending your "speech" of an answer...fulled with bull shit.

I am Isolated...you see me but I am not here...sorry sir..Come again? Excuse me did you say something?

Bully BAD ass!

& I THINK I LOVE HER! (GucciMane voice)♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

If I ever had to give a name on the spot of the 'love of my life' I would say Bully. Crazy human being to the right is my other half...she is the left side of my brain...We finish each others statements...she lives my life and I live hers. We are not sisters but still she always knows how I feel and what I thinking....We are always "HERE".

If ever there was once when I saw her cry, It put my heart to shame. (enough with that soft s*** she probably saying right now..lol) But ummm We are ultimate ASSHOLES....worst part about it we do it for fun!! haha

I apologize if I hurt your feelings in anyway. (my favorite line...but I never mean it)

Bully's is...."I don't care..." (sadness..is...she really doesn't...)

Bully is the best gift besides life, my mother, my sister, my godparents, Cordell (nephew), ummm my gma's...that GOD has given me..lmao...IM A TRIP...but you know what I mean Cousin...I.L.O.V.E.Y.O.U ♥

http://chazdevil.blogspot.com/

& That's why I love her!

Exclusive Boo!

I am so unsure of what I want in life. Seriously!! The crazy thing about that is I know EXACTLY what I don't want....See right now I feel like I want a boyfriend (I think its just because I have nothing to do) I know I don't have the time for a dude right now.
Males nowadays have become to sensitive...too into their feels. I DON'T HAVE THE PATIENCE.
I want what I want, when I want it. But the complicated thing about that is that I don't want anybody to have what I want...even when I don't want It at the moment.

That is where he would come in....MY EXCLUSIVE BOO!

Details:
He has to be tall.
He has to be attractive to me.
He has to be sexy. haha
He has to have some type of responsibility...(NO KIDS tho)
He has to have limited time...(THE KEY on how he can be exclusive.)

Theory:
So I figure, If he has all these things he could be my boo.
If he has limited time...he wont notice that I don't really call or cares if he calls me....it wont get too deep...we would have a communication that only we understood.
(and I'm fine with that because only we...know each other..theoretically speaking)
He would be my boo not my boyfriend...so he would understand that I could still have friends.
He would have no time for others...because I would be the first person that came to mind when he is on his chill time...

Life would be nice.

Problem:
But he would probably get attached and our times probably wouldn't match up...his chill time, I would be with my girls....my chill time, he would be busy.
Nothing is ever perfect...So I am going to just chill and wait for something (real)...so I wont have to play any games..that I didn't create myself.

Maybe I should have took the "Suga Baby Application"...lol

Background: I was in Sideline's with my Aunt and a guy walks up. Introduces himself ask us our names and if we wanted a drink...responed yea....he asked how old was I I said 21...(you know me I'm always thinking...juss in case he was one of the "Girls!" [police] He responed...That perfect, your the perfect age for me...after 25 woman get dependent...dont want you to leave, want you to pay their car notes and morage...He said, You prolly just want to have fun, go out...go to jamiaca...see the world...and go home. I responed your right...He than told me he was going to give me a Suga Baby Application... lol I was weak...My Aunt giving high fives...talkin bout I know thats rite!! lol
But nothing in life is free...and I could not see myself chillin with somebody DADDY...lol

Which leads me to my next Blog...

Pic of Solange back in 2006 before the baby.

So the pondering is over...Solange had it first! lol

Can YOU live YOUR life!

Why is Solange's hair cut a big deal?

Answer: Because people don't have shit else to do with their lives but speak negatively about someone else.

Last time I checked she could do whatever she damn well pleased....

Since she chose to get a boy cut, she tryna be like Amber Rose?

People please grow up...Damn! (That's high school, Nobody is an original EVERYTHING has been done before!)

SN: Her eyebrows are POPPING (*they look great)

The song below explains things clearly, to understand her you have to listen to her music. If people weren't so caught up on who she tryna be like, they would understand that she is like no other! Her lyrics mean so much more that other artist...She has a craft! Solange's word play is AMAZING!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zwlGMsTElQo

Acquired taste describes her music PERFECTLY~

On the way Home to VA for the 4th of July!